An Ode To The Curry

So what makes a good curry? It starts with meat. Mutton (top priority), chicken (everybody wants it), fish (everybody should want it), kaleji (aah, the discerning salivate), keema (the royal choice), paaye (only the hard core carnivore's choice). Well take your pick. The first ingredient is a lot of love of cooking for OTHERS. The second is the right choice of cooking medium. Ghee, OK will do, refined oils, who bhi chalega but the sweetheart who burns for you is always mustard oil. The tangy taste it provides cannot be replicated. Don't let any pretentious chef tell you otherwise. The following applies to mutton.
Deg main daalo tel. Get hold of some tej patta, moti and chhoti ilaichi, some laung and let it loose in the simmering oil. Put your lovely face on top of the smoldering cauldron and take a deep breath. The aroma ought to be equivalent of putting you back by one drink. Now throw in the chopped onions (3 to a kg). While they fry go to the bar to make a decent drink, preferably 90 cc of a good whisky with or without water and a lot of ice. Run to the kitchen and add a few heaps of ginger garlic paste to the almost done onions. A few swirls in the cooker and a few swigs later let the meat enter. And now turn turn turn. Turn till the kingdom come for this shall make or break your reputation as a cook. Go back to your bar again, this time increase the quantity of booze and decrease the water. This is very important. Finish half the glass and run back to the kitchen. Turn turn. By now the color of flesh, yours as well as the one at your mercy ought to change. (Note: If yours is constant go back to the bar again. For all others revert back to the previous sentence). Flap your hands and seek three spoons of ground coriander, one of haldi and one of garam masala, the desired salt and flip em all into the cooker. Turn turn turn. And turn right back and finish the glass that you left half finished. Pour another one and carry this one to the kitchen. Grind about 7,8 green chillies and mix them with about four red tomatoes. Now add this to the meat and mix well. Wait for this to mix and boil and finish your drink. Put the lid on the cooker and walk back to the bar, slowly and steadily. Recharge your glass, turn on Mozart's 25 th Symphony in G Minor and dream. In the midst of your heaven the cooker shall yell its first whistle. Put the burner flame on low and go back to your fantasies. Spend ten minutes dreaming of the unattainable and turn off the flame (pun unintended). Have another drink, change and go to sleep. By now you are in no position to eat. In any case this stuff always tastes better the next day.