Movie Review:Welcome

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Welcome

Another Sunday, another movie. This one I had been expectantly waiting to see ever since I seen its preview a few months earlier. A story about mobsters taking time off from murder and mayhem to arrange a suitable boy for their sister showed promise. The gangster twosome of Anil Kapoor and Nana Patekar along with their supremo, the dapper Feroz Khan had to be a surefire hit. And the handsome Akki, who can’t do any wrong nowadays, had to deliver. You must have figured out by now where I am heading. I was wrong on all counts. The preview flattered to deceive. It contained the best shots of the movie (but naturally) but take that away and you are left with a damp squib.

It’s not for the first time that the director/producer/story writer/whoever has started with an interesting idea but lost his way before the first two reels were canned. A pathetic commentary on the writing talent serving Bollywood. Sometimes I am forced to think that our guys actually perform the best when they are copying someone else’s idea. That way half their problem is solved. The collective genius of the production unit can then fall back upon their skills honed over years of calculated plagiarism. The disappointment is mine alone. My kids freaked out and the audience clapped regularly. Even I laughed at times. But as the movie progressed the jokes fell flat for me.

This movie is in the genre of Bhagam Bhag, Bhool Bhulaiya, Hera Pheri and Phir hera Pheri, where it depends greatly on a combustion of high voltage activity and a gag a minute. To see where it fails read para two above. The movie has been given a lot of gloss through exotic locales of Dubai and the Sun City of South Africa. But here even Katrina looks phika. Paresh Rawal seriously needs to reinvent himself. He has done the same kind of roles in probably the last twenty movies. Same expression and the same kind of dialogue delivery.

Feroz Khan is a sentimental favorite and it was refreshing to see that he still retains that zing that always made him special. His sense of debonair dressing is still impeccable. Anil Kapoor and Nana were good too, especially Anil. He is ageless and to my mind the next Dev Anand. There is still that spring in his step and his portrayal of the tapori Don has been played to perfection. Nana is for once restrained as opposed to loud but nothing extraordinary. But all three gel perfectly in the title song at the end. Akki is good but has been better. My vote for the most interesting character goes to Mallika Sehrawat. And this has nothing to do with my hormones. She comes across as the sexy, oomphy lass she is supposed to be. The X factor drips from her face and I could see quite a few tongues rolling out in the aisle. May her tribe increase?

Rating: See it if you must but alternatively you is WELCOME for a drink at my pad.

The Colloquial Punjabi

This one is not for the squeamish or the prude. Either one can take an exit now. I had referred to the colloquial Punjabi literature in an earlier movie review. Here we go the whole hog, well almost. So what constitutes the colloquial? Actually it’s a sum total of feelings in everyday human transactions. Most people hardly ever write of what we speak or actually feel. The conventional writer is usually constrained by the opinion that he perceives that people should have of him. Hence the speed breaker he doesn’t drive recklessly over and the proper Queen’s English for every soul. There are honorable exceptions of course. The very original Mulk Raj Anand. A deceptively soft translation of addressing an insignificant village lad is “Pea” because for a rustic Punjabi “Dana” is a normal name for any kid you do not know. However even M R Anand took care not to offend his readers and translated the classical Punjabi abuses MC/BC to an acceptable “Rape of your mother” and “Rape of your sister”. I am sure it’s not the right translation but then Mr Anand is an established and a published literary icon. Who the hell am I to dispute a writing which has won accolades decades back? But gratifyingly he did a faithful reproduction of the classical Punjabi word for gays. English abuses are really no fun and seem almost sophisticated. Therefore a good vocabulary of Punjabi abuses is absolutely essential for a normal life. Were it not so you can well imagine the serious handicap you would have if you were to get into a fight or worse a heated argument. The guy who is better equipped always wins.

How sweet do you think it is when your loved one calls you a doggy? You are going to love it. Alternatively try hearing “Kutta” or better still “Kuttey”. Do you still have the same warm feelings? The usage of this word was taken to an art form by our very own Garam Dharam. And of course there is no fun in questioning a person’s parentage by simply calling him a bastard. Try doing it in a slow drawl a-la Ajit, the Loin of Bollywood. Harrramza… well you know.

There is a time for every thing, even abuses. Some are complimentary. “Arre yaarr toone to BC kamaal kar diya”. Some are not “ Abbe MC, man kar raha hai teri gadi thok doon”. The word “gadi” can also be substituted by other human relationships. Bollywood is still wrongly politically correct. Madar Jaat or Teri Maa Ki Aankh is extensively used but my vocabulary of the language knows that there is no place for these expressions. It means nothing. A much better version of Teri Ma Ki Aankh is used in my friend Tarunjit Tejpal’s book “An Alchemy of Desire” along with a treasure of other vernacular expletives. I doff my hat to him and to the makers of Bandit Queen and Omkara for bravely telling it like it is.

For understanding the graphic descriptions of the Punjabi art of telling someone off or getting rid of your boss or to simply have a good time here is a proven stress buster. Look at the mirror, snort your nose, let the hair of your mustaches bristle, take a deep breath and before you exhale remember the person you hate the most and yell, Teri……………… (Ab kya yeh bhi bataana padega). Just do it man.

Khoya Khoya Chand

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Khoya Khoya Chand

It is a bit difficult to review this movie. The genre is completely different from what we have seen for a long long time and only someone like Prakash Jha could have ventured into this experimental journey. The characters have been picked up from an assortment of actors ruling the marquee of show business in the fifties and sixties. Any movie buff of my age would have a lot of fun in identifying facets of the then superstars in the characters of this movie. I really wished that for once I could see a certificate “Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely intentional and on purpose”.

The story is of a young actress (is actor more politically correct) Nikhat (Soha Ali Khan) who has been in the business since “she was fourteen” but finally catches the attention of the reigning superstar, superbly played by Rajat Kapoor. She starts tasting success after the customary round of the casting couch. The superstar merrily two times her. The other ethereal beauty is Sonya Jehan (Noorjahan’s grand daughter). While the cats are eyeing each other with feline disdain, in walks Zafar (I love this name) played by Shiny Ahuja. He is the intense writer from a wealthy family of UP who walks out of his house when the domestic demons that plague his mind torment him beyond acceptance. Sparks fly and amidst hushed gasps and passionate embraces a bond is formed which both liberates and constrains him & Nikhat. The pursuance of individual and artistic fulfillment leads to an inevitable chasm between the two. The eventual reunion and the conventional fate of all great love stories is what the rest of movie is all about.

The pace of the movie is slow and both the interval and the end descend quite abruptly but there are many joys in watching what’s in between. The art director has been faithful to the hairstyles and dresses of that era. Soha shows lovely glimpses of her mother’s innocent yet ravishing beauty. It’s after a long time that I saw actors using proper Urdu diction. It was a delight to the ears as was the music by Shantanu Moitra. The title song by Swanand Kirkire & Ajay Jhingran is hard hitting and jolted me out of my stupor and is still flying in the recesses of my clouded mind. “Kyuuuun, Khoye Khoye Chand Ki Phiraq main talash main udaas hai dil…Kyuuun apne aap se khafa khafa zara zara sa naraaz hai dil” In fact the entire musical repertoire has the fragrance of the superlative music of the sixties.

Most of the movie gives you the feel of watching theatre. Movie making shorn of its glamour finds an accurate depiction. A word here about Saurabh Shukla. Damn, how could I forget him? This bottle of Planter’s Bride is pretty potent. (Before my first drink I think it was called Blender’s Pride). Kallu Mama strikes again with a fantastic portrayal of the crass Punjabi producer. For all those familiar with the colloquial Punjabi his abuses were a riot. Some were refined and some were not. There should be a law against censoring Punjabi abuses in movies. I mean where else would you be able to enjoy the best of the rustic literature we have to offer.

Rating: I loved the movie because I am a dreamer and a romantic. Most people won’t. Does that mean most people are not what I am? I do hope so!!

Movie Review: Om Shanti Om

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Om Shanti Om

This year it seems Shahrukh Khan’t do any wrong. Considering that the movie suffers from a severe disease of Nostorycarcinoma the brains at Red Chilly Productions have pulled off an unlikely coup. Farah Khan has presided over the marriage of two classics Karz and Madhumati and in the process created a sequential narrative with predictable ends. However full marks to her for the flawless execution of this copied/palgiarised/inspired piece of fun. I wonder how many of you have seen the original classic “Reincarnation of Peter Proud” from which Karz was “inspired”. Bollywood never copies, it’s always inspired, Mind It.
Now why I did like the movie? It’s actually a celebration of an era in Hindi movies namely the 70s when the gross, the inane and the hamming jet set were the name of the game in Bollywood. Rajesh Khanna was driving the nation hysterical with his “adaas”. God, how did we ever tolerate him? Every movie had the same story with an apology of a difference here and there. Clothes were as loud as Shotgun Sinha’s dialogues. I even spotted SRK wearing outfits similar to RK’s in Hathi Mere Sathi (an all blue shirt/pant rig). Since the hair was worn long careless flicks of the head to remove the locks of the hair from the face have been done with panache.(Psst, I have to do it all the time now). Bell bottoms make a comeback. And the drive of SRK to become a Hero one day is reminiscent of a zillion stories of millions who nurture stars in their eyes. There is also this nonchalant portrayal of a latent desire of every male to attain the dream girl of the silver screen. Our hero is lucky but only just.
Now this leads me on to debutante heroine, Deepika Padukone. I hope I got the name right otherwise Dhoni will probably hit me over the long on for a mighty six. Well Papa Parkash, kya shot mara hai yaar ! His baby is a stunner. Big beautiful eyes, long slender legs, the neck of a gazelle and eyes and a smile to die for. I repeatedly fell in love. I really wished that she should have been given a larger role. Considering all her assets she deserved better. What a waist, I mean waste.
The movie also reminded me of Norman Mailer. May his recently freed soul rest in peace. In his classic book "The Naked and The Dead" he invented the word fug as a substitute to the original four letter obscenity to cater to the conservative sensibilities of the 1940s. Farah Khan got "inspired" to have SRK constantly mouth "What the fish" in the movie. The language English is obviously not her forte but what the fish happened to the taste of the educated SRK who despite his six packs can’t hide an ageing face. He has however gone about his job with clinical efficiency. Shreyas Talpade is finding his feet and will go a long way. Apni Chandigarh product Kiron Thakur Singh (I prefer her maiden name) is of course outstanding. But the surprise package was Arjun Rampal. He was always a good eye candy for girls but here he has acquitted himself well in the male version of Simi’s role.
There are two aspects of the movie which are both novel and endearing. The techniques of the movie making have been shown with refreshing candour. The mock making of a South movie was a particular delight. So Yanna Rascalla, the gross hamming has been done with élan. Secondly the visual presentation of the entire production staff dancing away at the end is a very thoughtful gesture to the unseen contributors.
How do I rate the movie? Without doubt it is going to be amongst the top grossers of the year and in the movie trade jargon it is “Paisa Vasool”

Movie Review: Jab We Met

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Jab We Met

The return of the love story! It ought to be marked as a date of importance when in the commonest of movie themes, Hindi cinema took a break from the boy(rich or poor) meets girl (poor or rich) and then their parents fight to the inevitable end. Yawn… is how I started watching this movie at 8 pm, at the insistence of my newly turned adult daughter. Since she already knows everything there is to know about mankind my obsolete self had little choice in the matter.
I am glad I surrendered. The movie starts with a journey being undertaken by a two individuals. One a self pitying procrastinator and the other a 2007 terminator with a machine gun mouth. Both of them start their journeys like most of us in life. A little excited, a little disappointed, a lot of expectations. But then life always takes you where you want it to. (well almost always.. the message of the movie is the same).
Kareena Kapoor, please take a bow. You have done your illustrious genes proud. Such vivacity I have seen preformed rarely. The name that immediately comes to my clouded brain is Vivian Leigh a-la Scarlett-O-Hara. The director Imtiaz Ali will be patted on the back(thumped more likely) and treated with a big glass of lassi or something equally sinful whenever he is here for portraying the joi-de-vivire of the rural Punjab. So we forgive him for not showing the actual Bhatinda railway station. But the chosen house, the depiction of the Punjabi culture will always make Imtiaz my Bhraa (brother for the uninitiated). Shahid comes through with a superlatively restrained performance. And Dara Singh I have always been partial to. He can not make a wrong step. So there.
So whatever happened to the meano in me. Well, he is alive and well. The climax of the movie is very westernized and out of the synch with ethos of the movie. Ok, I don't mind the super mini skirts and the designer micro dhotis on imported models but an innocent little Gidda or a bhangra would have been better. Nevertheleass for all who do go and see the movie it going to be "Maujan hi maujan"

An Ode To The Curry

So what makes a good curry? It starts with meat. Mutton (top priority), chicken (everybody wants it), fish (everybody should want it), kaleji (aah, the discerning salivate), keema (the royal choice), paaye (only the hard core carnivore's choice). Well take your pick. The first ingredient is a lot of love of cooking for OTHERS. The second is the right choice of cooking medium. Ghee, OK will do, refined oils, who bhi chalega but the sweetheart who burns for you is always mustard oil. The tangy taste it provides cannot be replicated. Don't let any pretentious chef tell you otherwise. The following applies to mutton.
Deg main daalo tel. Get hold of some tej patta, moti and chhoti ilaichi, some laung and let it loose in the simmering oil. Put your lovely face on top of the smoldering cauldron and take a deep breath. The aroma ought to be equivalent of putting you back by one drink. Now throw in the chopped onions (3 to a kg). While they fry go to the bar to make a decent drink, preferably 90 cc of a good whisky with or without water and a lot of ice. Run to the kitchen and add a few heaps of ginger garlic paste to the almost done onions. A few swirls in the cooker and a few swigs later let the meat enter. And now turn turn turn. Turn till the kingdom come for this shall make or break your reputation as a cook. Go back to your bar again, this time increase the quantity of booze and decrease the water. This is very important. Finish half the glass and run back to the kitchen. Turn turn. By now the color of flesh, yours as well as the one at your mercy ought to change. (Note: If yours is constant go back to the bar again. For all others revert back to the previous sentence). Flap your hands and seek three spoons of ground coriander, one of haldi and one of garam masala, the desired salt and flip em all into the cooker. Turn turn turn. And turn right back and finish the glass that you left half finished. Pour another one and carry this one to the kitchen. Grind about 7,8 green chillies and mix them with about four red tomatoes. Now add this to the meat and mix well. Wait for this to mix and boil and finish your drink. Put the lid on the cooker and walk back to the bar, slowly and steadily. Recharge your glass, turn on Mozart's 25 th Symphony in G Minor and dream. In the midst of your heaven the cooker shall yell its first whistle. Put the burner flame on low and go back to your fantasies. Spend ten minutes dreaming of the unattainable and turn off the flame (pun unintended). Have another drink, change and go to sleep. By now you are in no position to eat. In any case this stuff always tastes better the next day.

Movie Review:Laga Chunari Main Daag

Powered by: Chakpak.com	Laaga Chunari Mein Daag

This is Pardeep Sarkar’s second movie. The movie to follow Parineeta had to be at least equal to it if not better. It isn’t! Parineeta’s USP was the strong story penned by a giant of Bengali literature. LCMG is at the mercy of the pretenders of prose in Bollywood. I concede the idea had promise but stands underdeveloped. Both the director and the story writer must apportion the blame.

But hey, everything is not bad here. The movie starts with a feel good note. The visuals throughout are stunning. Cameraman, please take a bow as should the choreographer. Shantanu Moitra’s (did I get the name right) music is different and brilliant in patches. “Hum to aise hain bhaiya” gives the movie a promising start. The vivacity and the colour and the traditions of Benaras have been faithfully captured in this opening sequence. I could smell the fragrance of the Benarasi paan and relish the sweetness of rabri and the heady intoxicating Bhaang. Long haired priests, mace swinging young men, quirky foreigners getting their ears cleaned and naked children diving into Ganga get a fair representation. When the action shifts to Mumbai the development of the story stops sizzling. A word here about the char(acters). Each casting is an inspired one. I would say that if ever a team of actors had to rescue a movie through sheer powerhouse performances then LCMG would be right up the tree. I could not fault any of the actors. Kunal Kapoor is surely but steadily finding his feet. Why, even his hair is now almost as long as mine. Jaya Bachhan and Anupam Kher are the perennial professionals. Hema Bhabi was the surprise package. I know most will disagree but I thought Rani Mukerjee was a little below par. And my Oscar goes to Konkona Sen. She is out of this world and each of her performance after Page 3 ought to find its way in the text books of wannabe actors. She is the life of this movie which would have been kaput, zilch, andaa without her powerful presence.

So what do I think of the movie? If you believe in fairytales you might like it. If you are the average practical type the interval may be good time to go home and watch soap. If you are a cynic you are better off staying at home. If you are a must do movie buff like me you will find a lot of things you like which you will forget as soon the cameras stop rolling.